in the notes at church on sunday there was a part about checking our motivations. and when i read it i couldn't help but get frustrated with myself because this is something that i struggle with. and i have been aware of it for awhile now.
but i think it's safe to say that lately i have been checking my motivations.
i have been doing my best to think about what i am doing and why i am doing it. because i really do believe that the truth lies in our intentions. and sometimes ...well alot of times, my truth is ugly. and it's embarassing. and i don't want anyone to see it.
usually when i sit back and realize my true intentions...
-why i am going where i am going to hang out,
-why i'm putting on that shirt that's a little too low cut,
-why i am waking up in the morning to go church...
i get so angry with myself. and lately i've been refraining from doing some of the things that i used to do because my motivations were not where they should be. and i know some people are upset with me because of my decisions to sit out...but i know that its something that i need to do for myself.
so i'm checking.
and don't get my wrong i am still failing like crazy.
but...i am checking.
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3 comments:
i really like this post. when you said that you're checking your motivations to go to church and etc...that made me think. how many times have i gone to church just because that's the thing to do on sunday? more than i would like to say. i think i might try checking my motivations as well. i like reading your blogs because they make me think. you're so real, and blunt in your posts, that when it all comes down to it, if we are truly honest with ourselves, most of us struggle with a lot of the things you mention. everyone has their secrets and thats okay, but its comforting knowing that you, and others are "checking themselves" too.
I would like to take credit for the above post but I believe it was Sarah Cornish. But, while I'm here let me post something. Checking are motives can never be a bad thing. It keeps us connected with ourselves and most importantly it keeps us real. I like your posts because you are so honest and, when I was in highschool I don't think I could have kept a blog for anyone to see. I admire that about you.
i am VERY excited to be joining the blog crowd.
but you need to teach me, i'm so dumb to this technology... lol
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