Monday, August 13, 2007

"here's who i you love me?"

steve spoke the most amazing message i’ve ever heard yesterday morning. i can honestly say that i have never been so moved during a “ sermon”.

here is who i am...
- i am a fake.

- i am a liar.

- i am selfish.

- i am bitter.

- i just found my bible...but the thing is...i didn’t even realize i had lost it.

- i hate kids.

- i need a pill to get me through the day without crying.

- i gossip.

- a piece of my purity is gone.

- i am two-faced.

- i have an extremely dirty mouth.

- i don’t trust...anyone.

- i am an avoider.

- i don’t have a mind of my own.

do you love me?

i know that i am blessed. and that there is a number of people that god has put in my life that i could tell these things to and they would still love me. but there is also a number of people who would curl their noses and walk away disgusted.

“ make this your common practice : confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed...” - james 5:16

steve used this verse. and i love it...and i know this is how we should be living. but at the same time...i can’t help but think that it’s impossible. we are human. and whether we realize it or not...we judge one another...everyday.
i am hoping with all my heart that one day we can see each other for who we really are...and love anyways. because that’s what god does everyday.


JennRoogles said...

I love you!

lauratiu said...

Ah...the dreaded list of bad qualities. I'd bet the list of good qualities is twice as long, it's just somehow easier to dwell on the negative. I prayed for you last night. I prayed that you would ask forgiveness for your sins. God will forgive you and forget about them. Then you can forget about them too. Use them to grow and put them firmly in your rearview mirror. Beleive it or not, many of us have/had bad lists much longer than yours.

julie p said... THAT's authenticity. i am so moved.

lauren - all of us have lists. believe me, if i am totally honest, mine looks so much like yours. God knows...ALL ABOUT IT. and yet, for some reason, He is using you to impact others on this earth(including me!) surely, there is no greater blessing than to play a role in His great plan...

Thank you for your candid honesty...and for your perspective...and for your wisdom. I am praying for you...

julie p said...

and, YES, i love you...even more than before.

Roogles said...

You KNOW that I do.

Nothing on your list is a shock or a surprise. No blinks, no double-takes, no "Hrm's"...

Doesn't change a thing.

Hang on to what Steve said on Sunday.

and we still need to see that movie...

anna said...

believe it or not, i just read that after i sent you the message.

good was a good message.

jaki good said...

God works in the light.
your honesty and authenticity is fertile ground for the Lord to work.
I love you very much.
I wish you could see yourself as others see you - graceful, tender, honest, beautiful.

jodi said...

beautiful lauren. thank you for bravely posting your list. i agree with julie p. ~ when we are all totally honest, our lists look so much like yours. i've come to realize that there are things on my list that i will struggle with forever.

and i also agree with eli ~ there is no shock value here. no blinks or double-takes or re-evaluation of your character. when we all say that we love you, we mean it ~ GIRL, we LOVE you!

you have no idea what kind of miracle my relationship with you is. someday, i will try to explain it to you fully. for many reasons, i tend to think of you as one of my own children.

don't ever be afraid to lean on one of the people who are sharing this "ride of authenticity" with you. after all, we're all in this thing together.

i love you!

Sarah said...

Ok well I don't know you well but I will tell you this. I have been looking at blogs for awhile and reading them. I finally got the strength to create my own...and it was based off of yours. I thought she is in h.s. and if she is this brave I can be this brave! Thank you! Despite all of the "stuff" (we all have stuff) I love you anyways!